Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The air was thick with penises
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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