Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
