just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
MIDGETS
????
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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