Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't put those talents on a resume
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
