Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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