What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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