i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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