I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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