This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
