One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize