she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
