She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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