Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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