were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
