Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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