Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
