I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
