I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize