i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
