I wanna bring you to show and tell
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
this beer tastes like vomit already
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
