i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The beer is more important than you right now.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
