If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
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I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize