The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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