dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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