i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
