Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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