Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
