You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
