if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
