From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
