3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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