my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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