she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Do vagina's smell?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
