I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
