I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
