i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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