absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
