You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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