Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
