I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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