I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
