She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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