I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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