spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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