Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
