Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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