dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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