i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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