Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
