Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
