so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
