grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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