i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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