he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
