can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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