my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think a kid would responsible me up
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
