OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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