if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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