wanna go halves on a baby?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
