So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
