OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I would ride that face into the sunset
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
