Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
