The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
