Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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