My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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