When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
